life |

I’m Totally Fine….

By Coco

how-are-you-feeling-

 

 

I, like most of us, have this habit of being ‘fine’.  When someone asks us how we’re doing we’re always just totally fine.  It’s easier that way.  Who wants to hear that you’re not?  Who really cares?  A good friend of mine and I have gone so far to as to use ‘I’m totally fine’ as a our secret phrase for when we’re completely 100% not, as a twisted way to find some humor in incredibly uncomfortable situations.

But after reading this a while back I’ve been mulling over the implication of always being ‘fine’.

My father recently went through some major surgery and leading up to it I was a bit of a mess but really didn’t want to deal with it.  I was of the mind that if I didn’t give it much thought, give his tumor any power, then it wouldn’t amount to much.  After he had come out of surgery I made a casual comment about it to my friends and they were not only floored that I hadn’t shared it with them in the first place, but also a little annoyed that I didn’t allow them to be there for me.  Once they knew and were checking in on me I realized that I probably would have been able to deal with the whole situation way better if I could have told them, “hey guys, I’m not fine.  I’m actually pretty scared.”

This whole ordeal has made me realize that it’s just as important to ask for help, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to you as it is to be that shoulder, that ear, that person of support.  There’s nothing wrong with not being strong all of the time and there’s certainly nothing wrong with asking for help.

I’m not saying that you have to divulge your life story to every Barista at Starbucks who asks you how your day is going, but every now and again it’s ok to open up, especially to the people whose role in your life is to be there for those exact moments.

with love,

[coco]

 

12 comments

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  1. Thanks for sharing this and sorry to hear about your dad – I hope he is okay.
    I’m very bad for this – and since the babies came I have gotten even worse. No matter how tired, how frustrated, how close to the brink of madness I may be, if someone asks me how I am I always always smile brightly and say I’m fine!
    Actually while I was pregnant my dad also had major surgery and I also told basically no one about it. I don’t know why I do this – I think it’s partly that I don’t want to acknowledge the bad things and partly that I don’t want people to ever see me bothered by things.
    But good for you for eventually telling your friends and letting people be there for you. Never admitting that you’re not fine is isolating and a way of pushing people away I think. Not good!

    1. Hey Max,

      He’s on the road to recovery, it’s a crazy feeling our parents getting older isn’t it….

      You’re so right re: babies. It’s incredible how we’re able to cope. Sometimes we need to unleash a bit before we explode!

      Thanks for the comment and hope you’re managing. Motherhood is equal parts magic and madness…
      xxo

  2. Great post Catriona. Thank you for the simple but much needed reminder!

    1. Hey Sundus!

      Thank you! Hope you’re well!

      xxo

  3. Really needed this post. Thank you!

    1. you’re welcome! so glad it helped!

      xxo

  4. Han says on

    Ah! I was completely guilty of this when my mother was diagnosed and so was my best friend when her mother was diagnosed. For me, the verbalizing of the condition was probably the hardest because it made it so ‘real’. Out of sight/earshot-out of mind? I’ve also recently come to the realization that your friends can get you through the darkest of times. Best of luck to your family!

    P.S. I’ve been following you since coco&lowe days, some things have changed (as they should) but I love that you continually do these heartfelt posts. The other posts on here are amazing but the quality and honesty of this post surpasses all of the fashion/lifestyle posts combined!

    1. Hi Han!

      Thanks so much for your comment and your kind words. I’m glad I’m not alone on this! Thanks also for the encouragement on these types of posts. I find them the hardest to do but they are also usually the most rewarding. I appreciate the support. It’s definitely encouragement to do more.

      Thanks for continuing to read for all of these years! Means more than you know.

      xxo,

      Catriona

  5. Thank you for sharing this post Coco. I’m sending you and your family much love and positive vibes!!

    1. Thank you SO much Janice! Very much appreciated.

      xxo

  6. LaTrelle says on

    Thanks for sharing such a personal experience. I’m happy that everything went well.

    1. Thanks LaTrelle!