When my friend Meghan asked me to contribute to the The Sad Collective‘s movement by sharing a story about my vulnerability, I was on board immediately. I wholeheartedly believe that we have a responsibility as Social Media Influencers (or whatever they’re calling us now) to use our platforms to be inclusive, to inspire and, most importantly, to not only highlight the highlights. Life is tough for us all, we all have a story and are all trying to navigate through this thing without a roadmap.
Then it got down to what I would share and I stumbled a bit. The thing about being vulnerable in public is just that, you’re vulnerable. By opening up to everyone, you volunteer to show the side that everyone’s committed to covering up. As I stared at my computer screen in the office, a moody Weeknd soundtrack bumping along in the background, I decided to call out for help, reaching out to my coworkers, asking them their thoughts on vulnerability. Needless to say, it snowballed. Everyone jumped in on the action and decided to share either a reminder to themselves and to others about the importance of putting real attention towards mental health or to share a thought on mental heath.
So here goes!
I don’t ever want to harp, to be a victim or a complainer. I pride myself on being positive and seeing the silver lining. It’s no secret that I’ve gone through a ton of change in the last few years. Though I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I still get very stuck when it comes to feeling like I’m enough; that my next partner will be satisfied with just me–all of me.
Cheating is my Achilles’ heel; following me from relationship to relationship–though I’ve only really had three. I know in my right mind that if I want to be in a monogamous relationship and enter into one with a partner, I should expect to be in that relationship with just them, but I can’t shake the feeling of not being enough. This thought can be dangerous and can lead to whirling thoughts of inadequacy in all facets of my life.
Admitting that this is an issue at all, that I do have weaknesses, is the first step in getting better. The first step in finding a way to believe that I truly am enough.