You are going to have to accept that you are going to be disappointed by everyone. Everyone?! Yes, that’s right: your friends, your family, your lover, your co-worker and even your dog. Yes, that sweet beloved pup of yours will eat your favourite pair of shoes….. just because….. and this will disappoint you.
Guess what, you’re most likely going to disappoint yourself a few times in life as well. Since disappointment is an inevitable part of life you have to accept it. Handling disappointment is a matter of your outlook on life. Further, you have to accept that sometimes, it’s just not really about you. People will do crappy things, and to be honest, the thought of this affecting you didn’t come to mind. Sometimes, it’s just not that deep, so don’t take it personally. Take it for what it is. When people you admire do things you don’t like, don’t get mad. This is a lesson.
I want to help you get through disappointment so it doesn’t take the good out of you. I know you are an amazing person, therefore, I don’t want you to allow what happens to you to change this.
Take A Step Back
If you are slightly like me, you are sensitive as f**ck. It’s one of the downsides of being an empath and an HSP, highly sensitive person. When people disappoint you, it doesn’t just sting on the outside, it burns to the core. It’s hard not to internalize being disappointed by people you respect, love and care about. I had to learn over the years to manage my emotions. In order to do this, I had to learn how to check myself, you know “check yourself before you wreck yourself”. You can’t react to everything in life and you need to take a step back before you allow what someone else does to you to ruin your day, or make you act in a way that’s below your best self.
I have been practicing Kinhin, a form of meditation for many years. I do this every day and as a result, at times I don’t even notice I am doing it. Did you know that going for a walk, without any distractions, just being there in the moment with life, is a form of meditation? You allow your breath to flow with each step as you take a walk around the neighbourhood or the park. This is something you can do when someone has done something disappointing. Don’t sit there and ruminate, this is never a good idea. Your mind is powerful and it can turn something small into a giant, emotional earthquake. Are you angry right now? Has someone disappointed you? If the answer is yes, take a step back and breathe.
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
I am not saying that what has happened is okay, but I want you to always put yourself in someone else’s shoes when something goes wrong. It’s true, sometimes it’s not about you and you never know what someone is going through. Unfortunately, in our overly connected world, people have forgotten how to communicate at an emotional level. We are all in fear of revealing our true selves. Therefore, the person who may have disappointed you may be going through something that is preventing them from being the best they can be. Think of the times when you have disappointed someone in your life. In most cases, you were not able to give your best self to others because you were not treating yourself well either. In the moment we act based on our current state of mind, it’s important to recognize that when someone disappoints you, they may be disappointing themselves also, they just may not realize it until later.
Lower Your Expectations
I know what you are thinking…What? Shouldn’t I have high expectations? Yes, you should have high expectations for yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people do, it matters what you do. Life isn’t about following the leader. Be your own leader and lead by example. Trust me, people will notice. The older and wiser you get, the more you will begin to connect with people who live this ideal as well.
I expect nothing from anyone. Why? Because it gives me an openness to allow people to give me what they can, the best they have at that moment. Even if I give you my all, I know that you may walk away without reciprocating. What I have learned is that the universe always gives back what you energetically put out. You may not receive what you want from one person but then receive many great things from another person. Don’t get lost in wanting what you want from who you want it from. Focus on what you can. Firstly give to yourself, which is unconditional love and acceptance, and then share it with someone else.
Get Over It!
Holding a grudge has never helped anyone. I am sure you have witnessed angry bitter people make bad decisions because they can’t get over the past or what someone has done to them. Once you accept that disappointment is inevitable, you will get over it very quickly. You’re allowed to get upset, but this shouldn’t last for days or years. Further, don’t use past disappointments as an excuse for crappy behaviour. If you are striving to be the best version of yourself, don’t let anyone influence your ability to do so. I know you are an amazing person and I want the world to feel the magic that lives within you.
Hanifa is a singer/songwriter and creator of The Things I Wish I Knew a lifestyle website that’s all about life and all of the lessons you wish you and others knew earlier, that you now can’t live without. Keep up with her, here: @thethingsiwishiknew.