This Mother’s Day will be the second one I’ve celebrated. I have a 17-month old daughter, so last year marked my first experience of Mother’s Day and I was also still very much a Mom Rookie. As a first-timer, I went more ‘traditional’ and asked for flowers or jewellery.
With the passing of another year, (getting pregnant again #36weeksandcounting) and becoming more entrenched in #momlife as the proud parent of a barrier-pushing toddler, I have an entirely different perspective of what I ‘need’ and ‘want’.
This year for Mother’s Day, what I really want… is TIME. Because the older I get and the more our family grows, the more I realize what a priceless commodity it is. So, when my husband asked what I wanted this year, instead of a list of things I’d been eyeing online or a suggestion for jewellery, I provided him with a list of requests, that required zero clicks online and not a single visit to the jeweller.
Today, I’m sharing that list with you, as my Mother’s Day gift from me to you. Because whether you’re already a mom, in a relationship planning a family, or single knowing that you want a family one day (if you see yourself in me and my experience throughout this post), this list may hopefully afford you the luxury of either simply ‘leaving your laptop open’ for your partner to see, casually sharing this article with them as a ‘good read’, or being able to broach this conversation prior to having kids so that you might avoid the whole #awkward, deer-in-headlights communication that I had with my husband.
Because here’s the truth: The flowers, jewelry and brunches are lovely… but they are fleeting. If we want to build relationships and love that lasts, we therefore have to do our part by putting on our big-girl-cotton-brief-Mom-undies, identify what it is that we TRULY need, and ask for it. (Unless of course you really do want jewellery – in which case I have an amazing custom hook-up so DM for details.)
I dedicate this post to all of the amazing, supportive and loving partners out there, who are just trying to do their best, every day and most specifically on Mother’s Day (knowing full-well that if they screw it up they’ll be reminded of it year after year for a very long time). <3
What I REALLY Want For Mother’s Day…
I don’t want to go to the spa. I want you to keep track of everyone’s doctor’s, dentist and annual appointments so that I can empty out and reserve those pockets of my brain for inspiration, dreams, and goals.
I don’t want jewellery. I want you to intuitively know when the laundry needs to be done, without being asked, so that I can spend my Saturday meeting up with friends, reconnecting to my soul and building memories.
I don’t want to go out for brunch. I want you to pack the kid’s meals for the day and keep track of their moment-to-moment culinary preferences, so that I can spend my mornings at the gym or my favourite yoga class and start my day feeling incredible in my skin.
I don’t want a weekend away. I want you to manage the family’s social calendar, keep track of birthday’s and buy the presents, register for swimming and music classes, and plan and shop for dinner for when our friends come over on Friday night, so that I can dedicate some time to that creative project or hobby that lights me up.
I don’t want to go to the theatre. I want you to spend hours researching daycares and do the tours, interview housekeepers, and manage contractors so that the pressure of picking the best/most appropriate/well priced services in our life don’t fall on my shoulders, so that I can go see my therapist, meet with my mentor, or go get my teeth cleaned so that I can recharge, regroup and take care of myself.
I don’t want a fancy night out. I want you to take something out for dinner every morning, plan a dinner that the kids won’t turn their nose up at, then come home and make it so that I can work late and finally finish that project that’s been looming over my head, feeling proud and accomplished because I had the space and freedom to focus on my career.
I don’t want a massage. I want to take a long, hot shower in the morning knowing that you’re taking care of the kids and that the house will be tidy before we all leave, so that I can start my day relaxed, ready to take on anything.
Let me be clear: You’re a huge help, a massive contributor to our family and our household, and everything you do is valued and appreciated. The challenge is that so much of what I do as a Mom each day, goes unseen. Not because you don’t appreciate it, but because when our home runs smoothly, it’s hard to actually ‘see’ the mental, emotional and administrative care that goes into managing our family.
So, for this Mother’s Day, what I really want is for you to take on some of those intangible tasks and manage those time-consuming responsibilities. Because I want to reserve those areas in my life and my mind for the things I care about, and fill them with beautiful things that will light me up. So that I can be a great partner to you, a present and loving mom to our kids, and further step into becoming the woman I want to be.
And yes, to answer your question… I’m sure – I don’t want a necklace and flowers.
With love and nut butter,